Yet Another Jesus Myth?

Jesus Myths

Jesus Mexico myth

 

Since Jesus myths abound, I thought I would demonstrate that it’s not that hard to come up with another story. Here is one I will make up on the spot:

John the Baptist is actually Jesus half-brother. He was born of sexual union between Joseph and Elizabeth. Mary was Jealous and angry and slept with Zechariah to get a sense of revenge. Mary explained it as a miraculous birth. She even sent Zechariah to Joseph in the middle of the night dressed as an angel to tell Joseph that it was a miraculous birth and he should still marry Mary. Mary gave birth to triplets. One was Jesus; one was a Jesus impersonator; and one was Judas.

Mary only wanted people to think that she had one child. So people would see Jesus and the Jesus impersonator in their childhood, thinking that he was one person that almost seemed to be in two places at once. This led people to believe that there was something amazing about that Jesus boy. Jesus would also collaborate with Judas to do things that people would consider miraculous. Judas would find things out about people, and then tell Jesus. Jesus would then tell the person the “secret” information. The people would respond with awe and wonder.

Of course, the greatest ploy that Judas and Jesus put together was the crucifixion of the Jesus impersonator. The Jesus impersonator, out of jealousy, would do all sorts of things to make Jesus look bad in the eye of the public. Jesus was trying to be a rabbi, but this impersonator would go around making Jesus look bad. He would hang out with low-lives, breaking the law with them. He would make a whip and chase people out of the temple. In short, Jesus would teach the Scriptures and the Jesus impersonator would break the Scriptures. Jesus and Judas came up with the blasphemy charges—among other charges—in order to catch the Jesus impersonator. In a twist of fate, Judas actually kissed and turned in the real Jesus while the Jesus impersonator was hiding up in the middle room of the last supper. Judas thought that they could switch him with the Jesus impersonator before the crucifixion actually took place.

The Jesus impersonator killed Judas because of suspicion of Judas and Jesus’s murderous ploy. This would also mean that the word couldn’t get out about the triplets (…that is, until the “Triplets Tablets” were uncovered in a cave). So Jesus died on a Roman cross, and Judas was killed by hanging in a way that made it look like he committed suicide. A couple days after Jesus was killed and buried, the Jesus impersonator took the body of Jesus, mummified it, and put it within the walls of Jerusalem. Then the impersonator made appearances to people, teaching them very strange things that they should do. The Jesus impersonator became responsible for what was written in the New Testament. He married Mary Magdalene and 6 had other young wives. His children became the first church fathers and were tasked with making sure the Bible was written the way he wanted so that Rome could be overthrown. People would be kept under control by shifting laws and the threat of punishment and hell.

The Jesus impersonator lived discretely until the age of 120. After he died, the writings—which became the New Testament—became compromised. They were manipulated to make people happier with promises and to make them safer from the Roman authorities. The text of the New Testament shifted and shifted until Constantine made his own version that would keep people under control. He made a law that all Bible versions had to be like his. This is pretty much the Bible that we have today.

So there you have it! You thought you knew the real Jesus? Well, the uncovering of the Triplets Tablets has turned what you thought you knew upside down! This will change the way the world thinks about Jesus and Christianity. Read this. Buy this book. Bring me fame.

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Jesus myths are not that hard to come up with. It’s a convenient way to gain notoriety and possibly come up with a best-seller. Some authors have caught onto this idea. Why does it work? It works because of the significance of the Jesus story. People from all corners of the earth have become familiar with the story of Jesus. The story of Jesus has had profound effects on countless lives. People have trusted the story since the time that it happened.

Jesus myths are not reserved for our “enlightened 20th/21st century. They sprouted up close to the time that Jesus walked the earth also. Of course, one thing that wouldn’t fly around that time was to deny that Jesus existed. They could play with the characteristics of his existence though. One story may say that Jesus was fully man and without the spirit of God. Another story would say that he was fully God without being man. Another author would write about secret stories of Jesus’s childhood. Another would write about secret stories of his adulthood. Another author would say that he wasn’t crucified. He would write about stories of Jesus’s life with his wife and kids.

A couple of the more popular stories that people came up with have come through a couple of the significant world religions. Islam teaches that Jesus didn’t die on the cross; God just made it look like he died on the cross. They consider Jesus the forerunner to the 7th prophet, Muhammad. Mormonism wrote additional stories about Jesus in the 1830s. In that story, Jesus leaves Israel for North America. In America, he happens to have a bulk of his speeches recorded word for word identical to King James Version English—what are the chances! Hindus started to teach that Jesus spent his silent years between the ages of 12 and 30 in India learning from Hindu Gurus. Silly Israelites, thinking Jesus was from Nazareth and never mentioning India.

The Hebrews would have preferred a story about the Messiah coming as a conquering King finally freeing Israel from the outside bondage of domineering nations. Come on, couldn’t there be a better story than a 33 year old, who never fought an earthly battle, who didn’t blatantly oppose Caesar, who mainly hung out with the dirty folks, who was basically born a “dirty folk”. Couldn’t there be a less embarrassing story to tell than that this revered rabbi died by… crucifixion—the Roman torture tactic designed to shame its convicts. No, no, no, if we’re trying to come up with the most compelling story to spread around the world so that Christianity can dominate and subjugate its followers, we can come up with something much better (something a little like Islam maybe!), much more appealing.

But the story didn’t change because the story was real. The original story in no way reeks of fabrication. There is nothing to gain and everything to lose. There is embarrassment. There are difficulties. There is no political interest. There is no racial interest. And unlike 20th-21st century fabrications, there is no monetary interest. Although some Bible-sellers are cashing in, many are non-profit, including the original writers and first 1500 years of copying. The Bible, and primarily the stories in the Gospels, is exactly what we should expect if the stories reported are the actual accounts of what happened. And we have the stories reported, not by one author of questionable motives, but by 4 life-of-Christ authors and at least 3 other authors. They were compelled to write because of what they knew happened.

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